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#21 Nov 13, 2017 3:01 am

New Historian
Active

Re: The gentle art of scrumping

Just back from a two-week mission to Thailand, and my body clock is totally forked, trying to unforck itslef in double-jetlag! Hencve it's 3am and I CAN'T SLEEP!

So...

To add to the terror, an old lady who lived down the road died, and they buried her just behind the shop. All three of us were force-marched to the funeral, trussed up in ill-fitting “good children’s clothes”, which must have been borrowed from some other poor unfortunates because we certainly didn’t bring them. This means dressing up little kids as miniature versions of big people, the first but by no means last time someone tied a tie around my neck – I can’t breathe! Hot, scared and fidgeting we endured the endless litany of hymns and sermons, and Catholics take their funerals very seriously. And then, invariably, comes the “best” part of any West Indian funeral: the dead.

What is it, with this addiction to dead bodies? Every West Indian funeral is an open casket affair, where all members the deceased’s family (and I mean all, each and every distant cousin ten times removed), friends and acquaintances, co-workers, church brothers and sisters, lodge members plus the usual retinue of professional funeral goers to file past the open-topped coffin and “say their goodbyes”. Never mind that he can’t hear you. Wouldn’t it be great if he could – and reply? “Cut the crocodile tears auntie Enid you hypocritical bitch, you know you always hated me!” Now that would keep funerals short and sweet!

Despite our begging the three of us were dragged up to the coffin, where we saw to our horror that people were actually kissing the corpse! The file-by is the most important part of the whole funerary ritual, where the undertaker smiles consolingly as he displays his finest funerary talents – his future income depends on it. In the wakes and nine-nights that will follow the funeral, after much weeping, wailing, laughing and drinking copious amounts of Clarke’s Court White Rum, a consensus will emerge on the success of the funeral, the life of the deceased, and in particular the state of the deceased’s body. “He looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping, he even had a smile on his face!”  Such complimentary comments would lead to the best of all conclusions: “A good dead.” There would be all sorts of post-funeral talk if the undertaker hadn’t done a good job, if the deceased didn’t look “peaceful”. Hmm, who poison he?”

This old crone looked scary enough when alive, dead she was a nightmare! Worst of all she had pennies on her eyes; a coin which gave me PSTD for years to come!

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#22 Nov 13, 2017 12:14 pm

Expat
Active

Re: The gentle art of scrumping

Calypso wrote:
Expat wrote:
New Historian wrote:

I remember Chiswick as being somewhat up the social/economic ladder than my oh-so boring Kenton, Harrow, Middlesex - with similar urban physical geography, no?


https://s7.postimg.org/83qwykmx3/Chiswick.jpg

Chiswick was a magnet for the arty crafty actors and the like especially Chiswick Village down by the river, and adjacent was an area called Bedford park... there was no park by that name, although it was next to Turnham Green. That part had long windy roads with 4 and 5 bedroom type mansions. Where I lived however was at THAT time working class conjoined housing some of which was terraced. Now probably the lowest mortal living there would be a Doctor.

The house we lived in could have been bought back in the 50's for £800. Now it is over £1000,000.

My doctor was in Wellesley Road at the bottom of your map. However "Chiswick Town" would be considered further to the right


a million pounds is more than a million dollars but in America, particularly  in New York and California it can't buy you anything too spiffy.

The intended point was that it had been 800, and now it 1,250 time worth more. Currently it's about $1311,668.58 give or take a dime, and it is just ordinary, regular housing, but in an are that is gentrifying. My stepfathers house with 4 bedrooms and a sizeable piece of land is still only around £650,000, and I KNOW A HOUSE NEAR THE SEA WHICH IS AT LEAST AS BIG AS THE HOUSE i WAS TALKING ABOUT AND IS STILL ONLY WORTH AROUND £280,000 (caps). Central London and you are talking 2 to 5 mill just for a smallish apartment.

https://www.zoopla.co.uk/new-homes/deta … 94e47d04fa

To put it into perspective about 20 years ago for what I paid for for a small 2 bedroom cottage in a not special outskirt of London ten years previous, my Wifes sister had an enormouse fully fitted and air conditioned single level house in Florida.

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#23 Nov 13, 2017 8:39 pm

Calypso
Active

Re: The gentle art of scrumping

Expat wrote:
Calypso wrote:
Expat wrote:

Chiswick was a magnet for the arty crafty actors and the like especially Chiswick Village down by the river, and adjacent was an area called Bedford park... there was no park by that name, although it was next to Turnham Green. That part had long windy roads with 4 and 5 bedroom type mansions. Where I lived however was at THAT time working class conjoined housing some of which was terraced. Now probably the lowest mortal living there would be a Doctor.

The house we lived in could have been bought back in the 50's for £800. Now it is over £1000,000.

My doctor was in Wellesley Road at the bottom of your map. However "Chiswick Town" would be considered further to the right


a million pounds is more than a million dollars but in America, particularly  in New York and California it can't buy you anything too spiffy.

The intended point was that it had been 800, and now it 1,250 time worth more. Currently it's about $1311,668.58 give or take a dime, and it is just ordinary, regular housing, but in an are that is gentrifying. My stepfathers house with 4 bedrooms and a sizeable piece of land is still only around £650,000, and I KNOW A HOUSE NEAR THE SEA WHICH IS AT LEAST AS BIG AS THE HOUSE i WAS TALKING ABOUT AND IS STILL ONLY WORTH AROUND £280,000 (caps). Central London and you are talking 2 to 5 mill just for a smallish apartment.

https://www.zoopla.co.uk/new-homes/deta … 94e47d04fa

To put it into perspective about 20 years ago for what I paid for for a small 2 bedroom cottage in a not special outskirt of London ten years previous, my Wifes sister had an enormouse fully fitted and air conditioned single level house in Florida.

It seems that London is being gentrified as NYC. Are they pushing out the minorities as they are doing in NYC? I read an article that Caribbean black s re the wealthiest blacks in England. But you have a lot of Africans who are wealthy too. Not the ones in scams but the ones who have worked very hard.
The apartment looks wonderful but expensive!

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#24 Nov 14, 2017 8:49 am

Dancer
Active

Re: The gentle art of scrumping

New Historian wrote:

Just back from a two-week mission to Thailand, and my body clock is totally forked, trying to unforck itslef in double-jetlag! Hencve it's 3am and I CAN'T SLEEP!

So...

To add to the terror, an old lady who lived down the road died, and they buried her just behind the shop. All three of us were force-marched to the funeral, trussed up in ill-fitting “good children’s clothes”, which must have been borrowed from some other poor unfortunates because we certainly didn’t bring them. This means dressing up little kids as miniature versions of big people, the first but by no means last time someone tied a tie around my neck – I can’t breathe! Hot, scared and fidgeting we endured the endless litany of hymns and sermons, and Catholics take their funerals very seriously. And then, invariably, comes the “best” part of any West Indian funeral: the dead.

What is it, with this addiction to dead bodies? Every West Indian funeral is an open casket affair, where all members the deceased’s family (and I mean all, each and every distant cousin ten times removed), friends and acquaintances, co-workers, church brothers and sisters, lodge members plus the usual retinue of professional funeral goers to file past the open-topped coffin and “say their goodbyes”. Never mind that he can’t hear you. Wouldn’t it be great if he could – and reply? “Cut the crocodile tears auntie Enid you hypocritical bitch, you know you always hated me!” Now that would keep funerals short and sweet!

Despite our begging the three of us were dragged up to the coffin, where we saw to our horror that people were actually kissing the corpse! The file-by is the most important part of the whole funerary ritual, where the undertaker smiles consolingly as he displays his finest funerary talents – his future income depends on it. In the wakes and nine-nights that will follow the funeral, after much weeping, wailing, laughing and drinking copious amounts of Clarke’s Court White Rum, a consensus will emerge on the success of the funeral, the life of the deceased, and in particular the state of the deceased’s body. “He looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping, he even had a smile on his face!”  Such complimentary comments would lead to the best of all conclusions: “A good dead.” There would be all sorts of post-funeral talk if the undertaker hadn’t done a good job, if the deceased didn’t look “peaceful”. Hmm, who poison he?”

This old crone looked scary enough when alive, dead she was a nightmare! Worst of all she had pennies on her eyes; a coin which gave me PSTD for years to come!


........

Well New Historian .... hahaha
Pity you had to post  those 2  real gems of growing up in the Caribbean  in your   fruit   thiefing  post.

The funeral  - and  - walking home on a dark night..
Lo
You sure you are from where you say. lol.

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