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#11 Jan 13, 2018 10:17 am

New Historian
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Bear up, my friend. I found that the aftermath was, in some ways, eased by dealing with "the business of death": the funeral, legalities, officialdom. I know you and your family will get strength from each other in your shared loss, go well, friend.

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#12 Jan 13, 2018 1:20 pm

Ackee
Member

Re: My healthy mother...

Sincere condolences, RD. Let the reminiscing with family over the next days start the healing for you. It is her memory that will get you through the grief eventually. Be gentle with yourself.

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#13 Jan 13, 2018 8:42 pm

Expat
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Real Distwalker wrote:

Mom passed last night at 11:30.

Sympathies.

My Mum passed after a bleed caused by blood thinners and a fall where she bounced her head, so a medically induced stroke I guess.

Despite knowing she would have hated incapacity, when asked if it were possible to help her knowing she would be diminished we couldn't help ourselves, We wanted her with us. I stayed with her and my Stepfather almost to the end, although she was not with us, only missing her passing as I had to pick up the Wife from the airport.

We hurt dreadfully, but after a major stroke we must be happy for them that they do not have to fight the indignities of a grossly restricted life.

Amongst many others I am sure TS will be pulling for you through this hard hard time.

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#14 Jan 13, 2018 9:11 pm

houston
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Real Distwalker wrote:

Mom passed last night at 11:30.

Moms are heroes. Moms are the most solid people in our lives. They care for and nature us from day one. That caring never stops, they tend to treat us like five year olds at age 55. The love of a mom is like no other.
Bless you and your mom.

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#15 Jan 13, 2018 9:11 pm

Real Distwalker
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

My brother and father and I were at her bedside when she took her final breath.  It was excruciating.   She was just 18 years older than I am.

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#16 Jan 13, 2018 11:03 pm

New Historian
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

"She was just 18 years older than I am."

Like my wife says: pickney is for young people. That must have made you especially close. A time for communion, healing, togetherness. I hope that "even us" in internet-world, can bring you some solace and support through this.

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#17 Jan 13, 2018 11:26 pm

Vanni
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Historian, like you, I hope that the years we've been spending together here arguing or agreeing, are taking a new meaning in such circumstances, and as much sympathy as possible is reaching those who appreciate it.

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#18 Jan 14, 2018 11:32 am

Calypso
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Real Distwalker wrote:

My strong mother, the rock of my life, just had a massive stroke and is dying. We just put her in hospice.  I am so sad...

Sorry to hear about it. My mother passed some six years the same way. She passed as a result of a massive stroke. We didn't get along. I loved her dearly but I didn't like a bone in her. I do miss her. I feel your pain and I hope you reconcile with the loss knowing that death is inevitable. parents only leave us physically not mentally.

Last edited by Calypso (Jan 14, 2018 11:35 am)

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#19 Jan 14, 2018 12:20 pm

Slice
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Real Distwalker wrote:

Mom passed last night at 11:30.

May her wonderful soul rest in peace.  Judging from the person you are, I am sure she was a wonderful parent.
Talkshop is here, if you need any assistance.

Last edited by Slice (Jan 14, 2018 3:18 pm)

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#20 Jan 14, 2018 9:56 pm

Real Distwalker
Active

Re: My healthy mother...

Well, that was rough.  I know I have talked about my childhood before.  Dad was gone.  Mom raised my brother and me.  She is the only person who has been there for me all of my life.  As a result, I am a mamma's boy.  I would call my mother at least weekly all of my life.  When I was stressed, I would call her daily.  Maybe more so.  She always knew how to soothe me like no one else ever could.

The last time I saw her was November 3.  After Hurricane Irma, my pop (stepfather) drove a pickup from Iowa down to Florida.  He flew me down to drive it back.   I hung out a few days. At the time, it seemed strange.  I was there without wife so it was just me with the folks for three days.  I just hung out.  I watched a couple movies with mom and read that Bernard Coard book.  Then I said goodbye and left.

In the first week of December mom had some symptoms.  She went to the doctor and they found spots on her liver.  It turned out to be cancer.  I didn't find out until last week it was stage four and incurable.  Mom never knew.

The day after Christmas she had a chemotherapy treatment.  She seemed optimistic and she was ready to fight.   It made her tired and sick to her stomach.  When I spoke to her she was weary but ready to go on.  I had planned to go visit in March when my youngest was on Spring Break.  I asked her if I should cancel.  She said, "of course not.  I will be fine."

We spoke in New Year's Day.  It was just chit chat.  It pains me to say I don't recall about what we spoke.  It was the last time I spoke to her before the stroke.

On January 4, she had a fever and pop took her to the emergency room.    I called and talked to pop a lot and asked to talk to mom but she was sleeping or with doctors so I figured I would talk when she was discharged in a day or two.

Last Sunday night pop called and said mom was talking nonsense.  He said they didn't think it was a stroke and he would call in the morning.

On Monday late morning he called and said it was a massive stroke and my brother and I should come immediately.  We got there on Tuesday noon and at the end of the day the doctor told us she would never recover and that they couldn't treat her cancer.  We asked what to do. He said, "make her comfortable and pray."

We got a second opinion on Wednesday morning and the answer was the same.

On Tuesday and Wednesday mom could communicate.  She could answer yes and no questions by nodding her head or shaking it.  She could speak a little but sometimes the words were jumbled.  Pop planned to take her home and care for her there.

At noon on Wednesday, she had terrible pain.  Seeing her suffer was the worst thing I ever saw.  I wept uncontrollably in the hallway.  Nurses scrambled.  Her care was going to be complicated and constant.

At that point we realized that pop wouldn't be able to take care of her at home.  After consulting with what seemed like a dozen people, we transferred her to a hospice house.

It was a wonderful place with wonderful staff.  It was like a beautiful house.  Mom transferred over night.   She started going downhill on Thursday but when the nurse asked who was in the room with her she weakly said "sons". She was right.  My brother and I were there.   We think she had more strokes on Thursday because she didn't wake up again.

We stayed with her all day Friday.  Pop, my brother and I were with her when her breathing stopped.   And then she was gone.  Just like that.

She was a force in our lives.  Everybody loved her and six weeks ago we all legitimately, and for good reason, thought she would live to see 100.  She had turned 73 on November 20th.

I am going to miss her more than I am able to put in words.

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