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#1 Jul 29, 2021 12:19 pm

New Historian

Mad Miss Duffy, and other wonders of the UK school system

The main objective of Britain’s educational system in the sixties was to keep children occupied from eight to four – and try to knock some learning into their thick skulls in the process. At St. Thomas’ RC School the nuns all walked around with a rubber strap ingeniously concealed in the folds of their habit, ready to dole out instant punishment for the slightest infraction. Two, four or six of the best – from straps made by the Dunlop Rubber Company. Whether for the good of our souls or to give her strength, the Headmistress Mother Bon Secours aka Bongo, Bongo would invoke heavenly inspiration, at the point of impact “JESUS Christ and all the Saints! GOD bless your wretched soul!” Return the strap to its hidey-hole and walk on serenely, with a prayer in her heart and a smile on her face. She’d call out to me:

“Hey you, Blackie! Come here!”

Then there was Mad Miss Duffy, history teacher and certified lunatic. Really. One day in second form, the class clown and hard-nut John ‘Polly’ Parrot was giving Miss Duffy his usual lip. She decided to give him the strap. He held out his hands and she flailed away but all six of her blows had the effect of a gnat on an elephant. Feeble Miss Duffy hadn’t the strength to seriously hurt strap-happy Polly Parrot, who just stood there, sneering. This enraged Duffy who decided to give him six more.

“Whoa,” says Polly. “You can’t give me six more, it’s against the law, innit?” Duffy flew into a rage.

“Put-your-hand-out …. NOW!”

Again Parrot refused. Duffy drew back the strap and THWACK! Slapped him flush across his face, sending him tumbling backwards over a desk. She climbed over the desk, flailing away and screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Bundle!!” Someone shouted the universal signal for a fight, and the whole classroom gathered round, watching Miss Duffy go mad and Polly screaming:

“Help! Help! Get this fucking woman offa me!”

Teachers from nearby classrooms came rushing in closely followed by a gaggle of shouting shoving boys, craning their necks to get the best view: what the fuck’s going on? The teachers finally managed to subdue mad Miss Duffy, who was now panting and screaming incoherently, with flecks of yucky white stuff at the corners of her mouth. The ambulance took her away. She spent one term in Shenley Mental Hospital and came back: cured. Yeah right.

Last edited by New Historian (Jul 29, 2021 12:29 pm)


#2 Jul 30, 2021 12:48 pm


Re: Mad Miss Duffy, and other wonders of the UK school system

" I never read that one before , I like 'Mad Ms Duffy'

Skit time , play time ...... write , write .

... Like the  kids at the bus stop and corner store.


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