You are not logged in.

Announcement

Welcome to the one and only Spiceislander Talkshop. Please register and announce yourself in the New Members Forum. You will be upgraded to full use of the forum when it is established you are not a spammer.

#1 Jan 10, 2021 10:45 am

New Historian
Active

The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Moving to Zimbabwe, 1998:

With the kids safely in school next was a place to live. We eventually moved into a house on North Road in Chisipite, the deciding factor being when the owner said he would build a tennis court for me if I wanted. Floodlit? Yup. We moved in. It had a huge garden of almost an acre tended by two gardeners who were paid by the owner: Mugwah who lived on the property, and Chimeni who didn’t. After about four months Marion joined us; after about five months Chimeni got sick; after about six months Chimeni died.

No one knew quite why he died; the maid said Mugwah poisoned him – there had apparently been a twelve year rivalry. We informed our landlord that his long-serving employee had died and in accordance with local tradition he would be expected to contribute to Chimeni’s funeral expenses. But the landlord, an unpleasant Ulsterman who lived in London, was having none of it.
“Why the devil should I pay to bury Chimeni? I saved his life twelve years ago when I picked him up off the streets and he’s been bloody useless ever since then!”

I was away from Zimbabwe at the time and poor Marion had a tough time playing intermediary between Chimeni’s ever-increasing relatives and our increasingly indignant landlord; not an easy task. Large groups of men would arrive at the gate presenting lists of living expenses for Chimeni’s widow; funeral costs; plus prices for a goat, chickens plus many cases of chibuku or scud, a traditional beer made of fermented sorghum for the funeral party. All of which just made our miserly landlord fume more than ever.

“I’m going to pay for his grasping relatives to get drunk at my expense? Not on your life!”

Then one day Chimeni’s widow took Marion to one side. It turned out that they didn’t need any money for Chimeni’s funeral; he had belonged to a burial society that took care of all his burial costs; the men just wanted to have a good old piss-up at someone else’s expense – Chimeni’s grieving widow or children wouldn’t see a cent of that money. Then, she hinted darkly that if the matter wasn’t settled soon, the men were talking about taking matters into their own hands.

At this point Chimeni still hadn’t been buried and as a way of forcing the issue they were planning to bring the body to the house! Upon checking around we found out that this was not an uncommon occurrence. At a local Spur restaurant a worker had been killed on his way home and the restaurant refused to pay his funeral expenses. One busy lunchtime six pallbearers brought the partially embalmed, foul-smelling body through the front door and placed it in the centre of the restaurant. Pandemonium! Followed by immediate capitulation.

After we heard that gruesome story that was it; Marion gave the relatives what they wanted, quietly giving a separate amount to the widow, all of which was deducted it from my next rent cheque. The landlord huffed and puffed – I said sue me then you mean sonofabitch; you go to a Zimbabwean court and tell them you refused to pay the funeral expenses of your Zimbabwean employee of twelve years – good luck. Miserable sod.

Then, one week after the whole thing was settled, Chimeni’s second widow turned up at the gate…

Online

#2 Jan 10, 2021 1:24 pm

Expat
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Miserly my arse.

I took a man in donkeys years ago, he was living in a tiny shack at the bottom of a ravine... well to be strictly honest my Stepson took him in, and we didn't object. Initially he lived in a secluded part of what is now our garage, until I built up a small apartment below the house which he lived in rent freeconnected to our electricity and water, and only had to look after himself, and do the odd bit here and there... His family broke in and sold some of our stuff in the market place, and eventually he started to get dotty, which wee didn't realise at the time, and eventually fell gravely sick, during all that time we went from living in the UK to living in Grenada.

When it became obvious that he was on his last legs, and knowing the family habits we shipped him back to the family, as sure as eggs is eggs we would have been expected to bury him... So same kind of story, and while a few beers is no problem... which we usually give to grieving friends anyway, I really do not think it suddenly becomes the property owners problem, or employers.

It might be a custom there, but it would just seem like opportunism to me. I repeat. Miserly my arse.

Offline

#3 Jan 10, 2021 1:58 pm

New Historian
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

You miserly bastard, don't you know it's the job of the WMIA (White Man in ...) to pay for the expenses of all his adopted pickannies, from cradle to grave? Come on mate, be the white man!

LOL

Last edited by New Historian (Jan 10, 2021 2:02 pm)

Online

#4 Jan 11, 2021 11:24 am

Slice
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Lordeee.

Offline

#5 Jan 11, 2021 2:20 pm

Dancer
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Chimeni .    ..... is a good one.
Ha,ha.

Offline

#6 Jan 11, 2021 6:49 pm

Expat
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

New Historian wrote:

You miserly bastard, don't you know it's the job of the WMIA (White Man in ...) to pay for the expenses of all his adopted pickannies, from cradle to grave? Come on mate, be the white man!

LOL


I am the White man, what you want me to do is "play the White Man". Born out of self agrandisement, and the belief that they were fair and honourable. But we know different don't we.... Hmmmmm.

Offline

#7 Jan 11, 2021 7:01 pm

New Historian
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Expat wrote:
New Historian wrote:

You miserly bastard, don't you know it's the job of the WMIA (White Man in ...) to pay for the expenses of all his adopted pickannies, from cradle to grave? Come on mate, be the white man!

LOL


I am the White man, what you want me to do is "play the White Man". Born out of self agrandisement, and the belief that they were fair and honourable. But we know different don't we.... Hmmmmm.

Yes! In black man land yu must play de white man oui! Oddawise black man go get pissed, cos you'll be some white man playin' like he black, and forgetting his historical debt, to WE!

I suppose in this written one-dimensional world, I'd better add that I'm completely taking the urine.

Online

#8 Jan 11, 2021 7:11 pm

Expat
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

New Historian wrote:
Expat wrote:
New Historian wrote:

You miserly bastard, don't you know it's the job of the WMIA (White Man in ...) to pay for the expenses of all his adopted pickannies, from cradle to grave? Come on mate, be the white man!

LOL


I am the White man, what you want me to do is "play the White Man". Born out of self agrandisement, and the belief that they were fair and honourable. But we know different don't we.... Hmmmmm.

Yes! In black man land yu must play de white man oui! Oddawise black man go get pissed, cos you'll be some white man playin' like he black, and forgetting his historical debt, to WE!

I suppose in this written one-dimensional world, I'd better add that I'm completely taking the urine.

Sorry I aint taking on the mantle, my neighbours have me marked up as a "Grendlish".

Offline

#9 Jan 11, 2021 7:26 pm

New Historian
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Grendlish, love it! At Sep's a while ago I asked Patrick who I'm sure you know: can you see yourself ever going back? Nah, he said, why should I? Change this ... for that? And ain't that the beauty about "movement of Jah people", the same movements that has made the world what it is.

White people in black countries = expats.

Black people in white countries = immigrants!

Online

#10 Jan 12, 2021 6:51 pm

Expat
Active

Re: The mysterious death of Chimeni, and what happened to him after that.

Talkin outa ya arse again dude.

Tell the milions of Americans that forebears came from Europe dey isn't the Son/Grandson, or great great grandson of an...  immigrant.

Or the hundred/thousands of petty criminals that went to Spain for a bit of R&R they isn't Expats.

Me, I is an Expat, a Migrant, a duel national, an a citizen. So there.

Obviously those folks going to Hingland are Migrants, but they is Expaticus of their country of horrigin. So poor point or rather a vooooosh.

Offline

Board footer

Powered by FluxBB